Raccoon Attack

[Looking Glass]

I woke up today to a few rare bromeliads with their hearts ripped out and a few more severely damaged that probably won’t make it.   Raccoons do this on occasion here, looking for frogs.  Probably did $200+ in damage in 2 minutes.  I hate Raccoons. 

Also, Blue Jays keep wedging peanuts down the Hohenbergia and placing a single lava rock stone over that.   I wish I could find the old lady who’s putting shelled peanuts out for the squirrels.  They end up everywhere carried around by rats and birds instead.  

Somedays I wonder why I even bother with all this.  

[bubba]

Sorry to hear about your misfortune! Raccoons are insane.

I have a group of friends who have a hunting camp in the southern area of Osceola county to the west of Melbourne, Florida. It contains a series of swamps and water that forms the headwaters of the St. Johns River. 

These guys are very serious and have fully stocked kitchens full of liquor, hot sauce and all imaginable versions of condiments.  Although these kitchens are way out in the woods and well locked up, they are by no means impermeable perfect structures. 

Approximately once a year, like clockwork, the same scene occurs. Sometime during the work week, when the folks have retreated to their regular lives, a large group of curious raccoons break and enter into those way out in the middle of nowhere woods kitchens.

What occurs during the course of that B&E can only be described as epic. The raccoons actions are actually standard operating procedure and radical. After the break in, the large group of raccoons initially target the booze, which they consume with apparent indignity and rapidity. Thereafter, things go absolutely wild. Highly intoxicated, the raccoons somehow open all aperture’s and enter into a drunken alcohol induced food orgy, including but not limited to bottles of hot sauce, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup together with all items included in the numerous refrigerators. Indiscriminate massive consumption to the point that all parties in the raccoon tribe are completely passed out.

My friends return to the next glorious weekend. The raccoons have fully recovered and have left the scene. The mayhem, however, remains. Those raccoons.

 

 

 

 

 

[Looking Glass]

31 minutes ago, bubba said:

Sorry to hear about your misfortune! Raccoons are insane.

I have a group of friends who have a hunting camp in the southern area of Osceola county to the west of Melbourne, Florida. It contains a series of swamps and water that forms the headwaters of the St. Johns River. 

These guys are very serious and have fully stocked kitchens full of liquor, hot sauce and all imaginable versions of condiments.  Although these kitchens are way out in the woods and well locked up, they are by no means impermeable perfect structures. 

Approximately once a year, like clockwork, the same scene occurs. Sometime during the work week, when the folks have retreated to their regular lives, a large group of curious raccoons break and enter into those way out in the middle of nowhere woods kitchens.

What occurs during the course of that B&E can only be described as epic. The raccoons actions are actually standard operating procedure and radical. After the break in, the large group of raccoons initially target the booze, which they consume with apparent indignity and rapidity. Thereafter, things go absolutely wild. Highly intoxicated, the raccoons somehow open all aperture’s and enter into a drunken alcohol induced food orgy, including but not limited to bottles of hot sauce, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup together with all items included in the numerous refrigerators. Indiscriminate massive consumption to the point that all parties in the raccoon tribe are completely passed out.

My friends return to the next glorious weekend. The raccoons have fully recovered and have left the scene. The mayhem, however, remains. Those raccoons.

They are super-destructive gremlin bastards of the first order.   It’s been a couple of years since they went through the yard tearing up numerous broms all at once. They do wander through about every other night, occasionally breaking something or tipping something over, or stealing rats from the traps, or taking a dip in the pool.  They are always probing the defenses.  

[Palmarum]

Damn trash pandas....

 

[bubba]

One last raccoon story. Not long after the birth of our first son, we were fast asleep (sleep was not a commodity taken lightly at that time) when we were awakened in the middle of the night by a loud smash at the rear of our house that could only be described as an attempt at a home invasion!  My wife was beyond scared( so was I) and actually told me to get the gun ( this was surprising because she was not a gun fan and admonished me frequently about it).

I grabbed my Mossberg and with dreaded anticipation moved towards the area of the house where the sound had emanated. As I entered the kitchen, which was the room nearest sound, I felt as if I was having a hallucination! What appeared to be a large bear was stationed over a garbage can at the back of the house. My level of anxiety dropped a bit, but also increased at the sight of this large animal towering over our garbage can. Much confusion!

What was further confusing was that this animal had no fear whatsoever of me, the gun, or anything else! As I got closer (we were separated by the large kitchen window), I became aware of the fact that the animal was not a bear, but likely the largest raccoon I have ever seen. It towered over our garbage can and was aptly using its hands to go through and inspect each item of our garbage. The rather humorous thing about this encounter was that its inspection seemed to disparage and pass judgment on each item inspected suggesting the inferior quality of our garbage! I was no longer fearful of a home invasion, but my fear had turned to a burning sense of irritation, bordering on a a bit of a complex about the inferior quality of our garbage!

I yelled and pounded the back door with full intention of scaring the gigantic raccoon away. However, it was clear that this raccoon was an Apex predator, who harbored little fear, and moved at his own pace. Ultimately, the raccoon in a look of disgust at the last piece of garbage reviewed, slowly sauntered off. Those raccoons.