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Phil

Give Us Your One-Liner

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Phil

OK. How about a thread with significant one liners that you've heard or thought of regarding palms, palm collectors or palm related activities. The only requirement is that these one liners must be true or not true, near correct or totally false, somewhat factual or all-together wrong, or something along these lines. And, they cannot be insulting or critical of another. You don't have to say whether or not they are coorect. The reader must decipher which ones to believe or not believe and which ones to laugh at. It could be fun. I realize that some might think this trivial and other's might think this is a travesty for valuable server disc space. Indeed, they might be correct. But, some pearls may come forth, we might learn a few things, and a good laugh always warms the soul.

To get it started, I'll give a few:

Crown-shafted palms don't dig.

Don't hand prune a Washingtonia skirt by starting at the bottom.

A real Brahea decumbens is blue from the one leaf stage.

You can grow Dypsis decaryi in the shade.

Guys who go on PRA's have pocket protectors with lots of pens in them.

Don't plant a Roystonea regia within 30 feet of your house (from present thread elsewhere)

Never grow a palm on the top of your head.

Pinanga coronata and kuhlii are the same thing.

Phil

(Oh, what the heck. I'll push the "Post" button now even though I have second thoughts)

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OverGrown

You can never have just one.

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tjwalters

The classic "Palms won't grow here" that most of you here probably haven't heard. :)

At the risk of sounding stupid, what is a "PRA?" I've seen it mentioned several times, now.

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Phil

Tom,

"PRA" means "Palm Related Activity". It's when guys cruise around looking for or at palms, find them, stop and admire, take pictures and later post these pictures at this site. Even without the photos it's still a PRA but that would bring up a question like "If a tree falls in the forest and no one saw it fall, did it really fall?"

Phil

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Zayin

Palms only look good in Arizona

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Palm Guy

Phil - I like this thread!

A palm is a palm...they all look the same to me...

Palm trees can't handle hurricanes...

I'll take that bamboo looking palm...

Is that thing going to drop coconuts on my head?

I dont want a palm tree...I came here for a coconut tree!

Sure you can grow a Sealing Wax palm pretty much anywhere...

Jubaea chilensis makes a great atrium plant.

Bactris gasipaes for the entryway? Sure no problem.

You say your palm leaves look bad?? Chop them off! Instant beauty!

Hurricane coming?? Chop them leaves!!

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Phil

A Washintonia in the hand is worth three Dypsis in the bush.

Floaters (seeds) don't germinate.

Cyrtostachys renda sighted in back yard of North Dakota farmhouse.

Coconut milk has been used as an intravenous fluid.

Phil

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BS Man about Palms

"Hey.....my friend likes palms too."

"He has some rare palm he said needs to move, but he has no time, so he said anyone that wants it can come get it"

"Oh yeah, theres two of them, real tall, like 30 feet, he said you could have both if you wanted."

:bemused:

"Did you ever hear him say "Mexican fan palm"? "

"YEAH! thats it! You want them"?

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Kim

One I'm still confuzzled about: "Don't use overhead irrigation."

For the record, I use overhead irrigation, but when/if the palms grow taller, it won't be overhead anymore...

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Phil

Oh, one of my favorite questions from the guy who's palm tree is getting too tall:

"If I cut the palm half way down the trunk will it branch out?"

And Kim, about overhead irrigation: didn't you hear about not growing palms on top of your head?

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Palm Guy

Palms are the second most important plants to mankind in the plant kingdom next to grasses.

For the average PalmTalker grass is the least most important plant in the plant kingdom.

Palms are the princes of the plant kingdom!

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tjwalters
Tom,

"PRA" means "Palm Related Activity". It's when guys cruise around looking for or at palms, find them, stop and admire, take pictures and later post these pictures at this site. Even without the photos it's still a PRA but that would bring up a question like "If a tree falls in the forest and no one saw it fall, did it really fall?"

Phil

Thanks. So, a day without a PRA is like a day without ... coffee. :interesting:

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Phil

Bill Sanford will never find this thread.

All guys with red tennis shoes live in California.

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osideterry

Not sure if this one's true:

"If you plant a 5 gallon and a 15 gallon of the same palm species, the 5 gallon will outgrow the 15 gallon."

Others things I've heard a lot:

"I don't want a palm that will get TOO BIG!"

"Don't plant a Royal next to a one-story house."

"I'm sold on this pot-planting idea."

"I have a 20ft tall King Sago in my neighborhood."

(I actually said that 6 years ago... It was a Phoenix canariensis. I was talking to the only palm collector I knew at the time)

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Zayin

You are asking how much?? I had one that I bought at Costc_ for $20.00!! ( looking at your 15 gallon Trachycarpus Oreophilus)

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Palm Guy

The label said drought tolerant so i left it alone for a good month...in summer

The label said its a water lover so I left the hose running while I watched the Superbowl...gotta love those commercials.

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Phil

One Orania seed can kill an elephant.

All Pritchardias are single trunk and never sucker.

Archontophoenix purpurea is absolutely the most cold hardy of all Archontophoenix.

You can get a palm to fork by driving an ax in the crown.

Phil

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Phil

Hyphanae seeds germinate best when collected from Elephant dung.

The "true", perfectly flat leaf Phoenix reclinata is only seen in South Africa.

Caryotas grow taller in California than in Florida and HI.

Common names of palms are determined by groups of PhD's working in institutions.

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BS Man about Palms

One I heard JUST recently.

"I'd like a palm that gets big, will take full sun now, but can't have a big pot".

"Heres a 5 gal whatchamacallit"

"Too big"

"OK, heres a 2 gal, OK the pots the right size, the palm is too small and this will take full sun right now, right"?

"uuumm, no"

I finally decided I didn't know where to locate any 5 foot tall full sun ready palms in 2 gal pots on the mainland, Darn Hawaii guys! (Wait, they're not sun ready there, either!) :lol:

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Phil

It can take the outstretched arms of three grown men to reach around the trunk of a well grown Jubaea chilensis.

Pink Rot is a name given to a sought-after dessert in Papua New Guinea.

Tea (aged) made from used coffee grounds might be effective in treating mealy bug.

Steer manure in the bottom of the new hole will make newly planted palms grow faster.

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Phil

The Mule Palm got its name because the oldest known specimen was dragged from Miami to Fort Lauderdale by a mule named Bert.

If they closed down PalmTalk, divorce rates would drop.

An old horticulturist with double vision was the first man to describe the Double Coconut.

There's a well known palm grower in So Cal who paints the crown shafts of her palms red just to fool people.

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Phil

A well know palm enthusiast from Southern California once hung from a helicopter by straps just to collect palm seeds.

Washingtonia robusta will sprout up in dirt piles from bird droppings of overhead flocks.

The name "Flame Thrower" came from a palm grower in California during the 90's.

Gophers particularly like Ravenea.

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DoomsDave

A bad PRA day is better than a good workday, any day . . . . .

A day without palms is like a day without sunshine.

A palm in the ground is worth ten in the hand . . . . .

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DoomsDave

Mule palms thrive best when hit by two-by-fours . . . .

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FRITO

"I want a palm 4- 6ft with a fluff of feathers on the top, got anything like that?"

"you want a king sago..."

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FRITO

palms are weeds in _________(south fla)

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FRITO

"Is that a paradise palm?"

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FRITO

palms like well draining soil

sago palms!!! I love those! got any for sale?

nope, and to tell ya the truth, they really arnt even a palm!

(confused silent stare)

Yea, they are more closely related to pine tress than palms which are closely relate to grass!

(confused silent stare)

do you want to buy some grass?

"what kinda grass are we talking about?"

:unsure::rolleyes::lol:

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epicure3

Now THIS is a fun game. Right off the top of my head.

As my wife once said....

Once you've seen one palm, you've seen them all. :blink:

Hmm...others?

1.Don't worry, that Lipstick Palm will come back from the roots.

2.Let's cut the palm in half to count the rings and see how old it is.

3.But he told me that it's a Hyophorbe Americaulis. Everybody's got one.

4.The guy at Home Depot told me that this will do great in my area.

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Al in Kona

'Coconut milk has been used as an intravenous fluid'

I once read that during World War II coconut water (the clear liquid found inside a coconut) was used as an intravenous fluid, so I guess there's some truth to that one. BTW, the liquid found inside a coconut fruit is not the milk. Coconut milk is liquid squeezed out from the mature white fruit.

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Darold Petty

Yes, my garden is somewhat congested, but I've got room for just one more over here!

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palmislandRandy

.........and I bought this mapu at Lowes.

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MatNC

w-melon is a cross between regular/hookeri

collecting palm seed in new caledonia is pretty easy. why those (...) caledonian guys...

Cyphophoenix alba is not inside the right genus

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Ken Johnson

Copernicia can't be transplanted.

Palms have tap roots.

That palm needs to be cleaned up. (pointing at a Coccothrinax crinita.)

My Mom has one of those in her yard.

It's a rare palm alright!

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pg6922

Why do you hate those cabbage palms so much? Cause they are roach motels

Is that your monster clump arecas? yes...and they are full of rats...which attract the snakes.

I had all my coconut trees cut down cause they are messy and dangerous during hurricanes.

Thats not a miniature royal palm? No, its an adonidia Merrillii. What the home owner hear..."No, its a blah blah blah blah palm"

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Davidl

"Is that a silver cabbage "? Or " that looks like a silver cabbage" speaking of a Bismarkia.

"All fan palms look the same"

"I want a palm that don't get very big but grows fast"

Do you like palms? "No they drop all those big orange seeds"

Customer looking at a coccothrinax and says "there's a cabbage tree"

A palm that you have grown for 8 yrs and the customer says will you take $15 ? or sometimes $5

"I live in zone 5b can I grow a bismarkia ? " "I think I seen some growing near my house" or 8b and wants to grow a coconut.

"I heard a palm tree will tear out your driveway" or your foundation

"Can I make a palm tree stop growing if I cut the top off ?"

"Do you got any of those palms that grow in three's ? "

Edited by Davidl

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Howeadypsis

I have heard this:

You can't grow palms in england you fool!(pillock,idiot,dumb #### etc etc)

or

Flowers? Don't be daft,palms don't flower!

or

So drinking chocolate comes from a cocoa palm?

(Not kidding guys,I have seen this!)

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Phil

There are no new species of palms yet to be found in Madagascar.

If a palm is skinny and suckers and from Madagascar, it must be a Dypsis.

All Dypsis baronii look identical.

When you buy palm seeds, have total confidence that it is what is says.

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Phil

You've got to understand that my yard is this special "microenvironment" like nowhere else and I can grow anything!

If I grow a hundred thousand Lipstick Palms from seed, one will make it in San Diego.

I got a great deal on soil with free delivery when they excavated for that parking lot below the highrise.

People who grow Wine Palms have a higher incidence of alcoholism.

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edric

I say, " if it's got more than one trunk, it's a palm bush, not a palm tree ", Ed

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