freakypalmguy 309 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Dear Tool, I have received my Leptocheilos zombiafolia that I ordered from you. I regret to inform you that upon trying to pet my beloved new Teddyspike palm I got injured. I've enclosed a picture so that you know how serious this is, and that you should be sending me some money so I don't sue your butt! How do you like that downer, snarky dank!? Make me a cake and call me Susan! My Dearest Tool, My deepest apologies my friend. Since receiving my "injury" from your Teddyspike palm, I've noticed a marked improvement in my grip strength. Ultimately, I've made a full recovery and actually found that the juices from the Teddyspike palm has actually turned my hands and forearms into a super strength machine! (see picture of me, MattyB, attached) I'm so sorry for cursing you earlier. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sit on my Teddyspike palm. Dear Tool, Since sitting upon my Teddyspike palm, I now have the glorious big butt I desired. Thank you thank you thank you, and thank you. Matty, I am sorry to report that Pauly got real jealous after seeing your recent gains and stole all your latest Teddyspike research and figured out where you went wrong. Here he is shortly after skydiving into the Teddyspike. See that look on his face... He is mocking you big time! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BS Man about Palms 2,338 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Matty, I am sorry to report that Pauly got real jealous after seeing your recent gains and stole all your latest Teddyspike research and figured out where you went wrong. Here he is shortly after skydiving into the Teddyspike. See that look on his face... He is mocking you big time! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Randall SD 64 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Dear Mr. Toolital I don't know where to begin. First I must say that I'm extremely disappointed by the outcome of the park beatification project of which I entrusted you (Top Photo). I usually prefer not to deal with off shore businesses but your bid that included 50 of your large Phoenix palms installed along with "lush" tropical landscaping was by far the lowest. The final outcome looks nothing like the reference photo you included with your bid (Bottom). Although it was unfortunate you couldn't make the trip and at the last minute and had to send your brother Buta I feel you need to be aware of the final results. My job is now on the line and I need to know how you are going to rectify this situation. Sincerely John C Peabody Parks Director Seaside CA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
simona 20 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Dear Mr. Toolital, I hope you can provide some great desert varieties, that need only drop irrigation once a month and as I have no idea what new species of sandycoldyhardys are available, please send a full offer. As shipment expenses are astronomically high it's much easier if I'll send a camel caravan led by my brother sheikh, which is ready to dig out those wonderful palms himself and get them back to our oases. Oh....and may I ask if you are willing to receive oil (from our personal wells) as a monthly payment, instead of any other currency? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris 1,362 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Men: Turn your small & skinny Phoenix roebelinii into a long and fat Corypha . . . . . Yes, i want one too for my collection... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Neofolis 10 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 This is all very amusing, but does anyone know how I can really get hold of one of the Cameroon traders. I've been after Eugeissonia minor for ages and they seem to be the only people that have it. I did have someone contact me a while ago and, although he didn't have them, he had a friend that did, which was a shame because it meant he wasn't able to show me any photo's, which would have been nice. I don't know what happened, but for some reason, I didn't go ahead with the purchase at the time. I must have been mad, these things are impossible to get hold of without a seed collecting trip to Borneo. Anyway now I don't seem to have his contact details any more and no-one else from Cameroon has been in touch recently, it's terribly frustrating. Surely someone here must have records or contact details for one of these traders. They are truely amazing people, the collections they have created are absolutely fantastic. It's a shame none of them post on here, just imagine all of the wonderful species, they could share pictures of and the knowledge of culture and identification that these guys have must be extraordinary. Oh well, I live in hope. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phil 110 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 To All My Dearest Friends and Colleagues, These are exciting times for those of us in Western Africa. These past few days have added to the glory of Camaramian palms. We've taken thousands of orders, hired new people and even brought Bombo Bombo back from Madagascar. Buta's condition is improving and he can now go outside the house without hiding behind fences. My oldest son, Little Toolital, is even showing an interest in the business and will begin foraging our land for new species. My daughter, Way Toolital, is learning English and internet skills to assist me. And my father, Olderbut Toolital, is experimenting with the Teddyspike to rejuvenate his marriage. I myself am overly satisfied with all the transactions I have set up. The Royal Bank of Camarama has given me my own private office and staff. I will be importing a new Porsche soon so that I can quickly go from our vast growing fields to the bank to make my deposits and keep orders going. For those of you who have ordered, just look to the sky for the new fleet of Aero Camarama 747 jets. They have all been repainted with a palm tree from front to back and may land in an airport near you soon. And, for some breaking news, an American CNN news group has come to Camarama just to interview me. I am sure they want to know more about the palms. I will visit with them over our Tea Hour later today. This will be good for the world of palms and international business. With much regret I must break away and sign off from our many conversations here. I guarantee to you that I will return soon and give you more news on the exciting palms of my country. Please keep records on your newly acquired palms and take lots of photographs. When the glorious day of our meeting again does come, be prepared for amazing species beyond your wildest dreams. When you read a great book, it's disappointing for it to end. But, you look forward to the author's next work. It will be the same with the Camaramian palms. The next volume will be better than the last. Your Friend, Toolital Toowako Computer Skills and Plant Nursery Anonymous Camarama West Africa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BS Man about Palms 2,338 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Dear Toolital, Thank you for your prosperity update. All I ask is that while you are working hard down there in the Camaramian jungle, that you stay away from the Kool-Aid to quench your thrist. I hear it only quenches thirst ONCE! Beware! Will Monty Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DoomsDave 8,510 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Dear Toolital, Thank you for your prosperity update. All I ask is that while you are working hard down there in the Camaramian jungle, that you stay away from the Kool-Aid to quench your thrist. I hear it only quenches thirst ONCE! Beware! Will Monty I hasten to qualify that . . . . It is the grape floavored Kool Aid that is the problem . . . . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ken Johnson 198 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 It may take you by surprise TooToo but here in So Fla we have Cyrtostaches azul. Yes this amazing palm was introduced to our membership on the first day of April many moons ago. We had a great aricle written by the late Howard Waddell. He described it and the reasearch surounding it in detail. Did you see the article in our publication, The Palm Report? We had so much excitement about it that it almost got us in trouble, much like your post here! Anyway we had a nice one for sale at our Holliday Party in December and even one lady wanted to know why we did not see her bid of 10 thousand dollars. Boy was she POed. Later we had to write a retraction of sorts as we only had enough ink to color one "solitary" crown shaft. It was a great fun(D) raiser! I know you do not have the great Blue Crownshafted Wax Palm but we can hook you up. When you get back from the jungle in the new Turbo give me a call. I will be happy more than a wild monkey to hear from you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waykoolplantz 945 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Dear Toolitall, I do hope your new Porsche Turbo is a cabriolet....easier to get the large rare palms in Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alicehunter2000 704 Report post Posted September 26, 2008 Hey everybody, I just read through the thread and I got a sneaky suspicion that this guy Toolitall might not be legit. I wouldn't send him any money because you might not ever get the palms he is promising..........has anyone ever bought palms from this guy? Anyway......the thing that makes me most suspicious that this might be a scam is his name......come on...who names their kid Toolitall. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
John in Andalucia 622 Report post Posted September 27, 2008 Anyway......the thing that makes me most suspicious that this might be a scam is his name......come on...who names their kid Toolitall. What about his wife, Tootsie Toowako - the bearded lady of Camarama. I reckon Toolital's not the only one taking us for a ride. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Neofolis 10 Report post Posted September 27, 2008 Won't it be great if unsuspecting people find this thread in search engine results and start reading. Can you imagine the excitement. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grant b. 50 Report post Posted April 29, 2012 Has Toolital updated his inventory list for Spring? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
buffy 286 Report post Posted April 29, 2012 He's always updating it. Last week he sent me a few three gallon Jubaea X Cocos with the deep red emergent fronds that fade to green with orange petioles. The roots were practically busting out of the pot. Toolital has the best sources out there. It's his honesty and great customer service that really stand out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rprimbs 228 Report post Posted April 29, 2012 I'm looking for a Cyrtostachys renda X Corypha umbraculifera. And I'm looking for the cold hardy form! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cindy Adair 2,751 Report post Posted April 29, 2012 Thanks for bumping this very entertaining thread as I missed it the first time! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gtlevine 310 Report post Posted April 30, 2012 Toolita screwed me, I sent a wire transfer for my purchase of Jubaeae Chilensis x Cocos Nucifera and never got my palm. Toolita will not respond to my emails either. Be weary of Toolita. Gary Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darold Petty 2,426 Report post Posted April 30, 2012 Gary, I had a very positive transaction with Toolital, he sent me this palm for 99 cents ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandrew968 1,605 Report post Posted April 30, 2012 Funny thread except for the petty bickering between palmtalker and Mod... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gtlevine 310 Report post Posted April 30, 2012 Gary, I had a very positive transaction with Toolital, he sent me this palm for 99 cents ! Was it strapped on the top of a 747 along side the Space Shuttle? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akamu 548 Report post Posted May 4, 2012 iam looking for the dypsislaughalotta .gladly pay you tuesday for alaughalotta today.cheers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PALM MOD 496 Report post Posted May 4, 2012 Funny thread except for the petty bickering between palmtalker and Mod... Yep - I agree. Its unfortunate that some people (usually unsupportive non-IPS Members) just have to login and complain about something they use almost daily for free. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
