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Darold Petty

Esteemed one, Mr. Brisbane, why that to give offence? Does one show the hand back or foot bottoms to our brother Toolital? Then sir, not to offer worthless USA paper for the most precious Syagrus! Such an elusive species, one only revealed to those countrymans most pure of purpose, they how Toolital does employ at great cost for you desires. Please not to speak again of unfortunate Yanks, living on credit large from both mid-east and orient. Perhaps send Euros, and also some of mindtrippy Oz cane toads. For this, all the Syagrus you response. You are welcome, from one who see the Toolital scene.

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PALM MOD

As we bounce back and forth between the funniest thread of all time, and the side show concerning the preferential treatment it enjoys, one of the PMs I received presented a few relevant points. The sender wished to post but didn't want to "break protocol." I told him he was welcome to post, but suggested he let me quote him anonymously to avoid any PMs from the disgruntled complainer.

"Dean,

I have been enjoying the Cameroonian thread as all of us (less one).

It seems to me that beyond the disagreement he has that there is a true sense of his despising the members of the group.

I am relatively new to the forum (2 years) and only log when I have the opportunity, so I do not know of what has occurred in the past But his indignant righteousness is way out of place in a thread that is meant to be fun.

In fact, his comments probably should be (if he wishes to air them) in the non-palm discussion sub-forum that he complains about our African thread.

I notice that Palmtalk.org has the IPS logo attached to it. Does the IPS sponsor/pay for the expenses of this forum? If so, shouldn't complaints only come from IPS member and those that do not belong keep their words to themselves. After all, no one forces anyone to participate, contribute, read, or comment in any of these forums.

Thanks for all of your work and help.........."

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Walter John

To whom it may concern, especially Doctor Toolital,

Please confirm please that you are also the sole source of supply of "Syagisclino 44" liquid fertiliser. Your email states that usage of this product over twelve month period turns Syagrus into Clinostigma palms. I am prepared to order same please and when exactly will my mapu palms arrive ? I am so sorry my last cheque bounced, it was made of rubber you see. I will send a duplicate along with my order for carton of Syagisclino 44 and enclose autographed Harry Kewell football shirt as suggested by your assistant for prompt delivery.

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Phil

Oh, so many inquiries and comments from my Friends.

First, Mr. Petty, do you by chance have any Camaramian blood in your family? Your writing skills remind me of a professor at our local University of Katu. I trained by him during my schooling years. Or, perhaps your kin traveled our parts here in Western Africa.

Sir William Montgomery: Regarding fertilizers, it is true that our special fertilizer is one of the reasons we can offer the finest palms anywhere. It is a general purpose fertilizer for all lush tropicals, but I've found that it sells better if I call it a Palm Fertilizer. Of course, its exact formulae is quite secret. But, I can mention a few of the unusual additives that are now common knowledge:

Gandwana Tortoise droppings, cured with Ethiopian Misty Valley coffee grounds

Ground seeds of the Bumba Berry tree growing epiphytically in the forests

Venom of the Hydrophis sea snake combined with ground plastic buttons

Rhodochrosite from the Kalahari Manganese Fields. As pretty as candy but powerful as the Gods.

Boiled flower petals of the Tacca flower. Young girls wear these flowers in their hair when they start secondary school.

As far as shipping, we utilize AeroCamarama. My close friend, General Jantamanta of the Royal Freedom Batallion of my country, personally sees that your shipment is sent efficiently and packed with the finest quality dry ice.

Keep your orders coming.

Toolital

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Kim

My Dear Friend Toolital,

I am in correspondences with your brother Buta, but all is not well. He is not the happy man like you is gives me pressures. My temporary problem of liquidity will prevent these palm acquisitions and also suffer to your businesses for sale of these palms! I appeal to your kind heart and happy nature to fashion a compromise with mutually beneficial creative financial trade.

And to accomplish this in fairness, I must enlarge my order with you to include ten of each of your bumpy crown Chambeyronia, the black leaved Russian Licuala, and especially the red from tip to trunk Ebola palm. What a glorious sight this palm will be! Now you will be joyful to know that I am trade for you with these palms my very special Beanie Baby collection, all with heart tag and tush tag complete. This is most complete BB collection in all world, with special character such as Nana the Monkey, both Nip and Zip cats, also very rare and desirable blue Peanut the elephant. All 240 BBs have been stored for eight years in a a climate controlled vault, and many with original McDonald's Happy Meal in original wrapping and bag!! What could be better!!

As you can see this trade will accrue to your benefit. I need only your confirmations. (Do not send your brother Buta again, respectfully, please.) As your motto: "Right. We treat People." Make it so.

Your servant,

Kim

P.S. Please to add with my order 4 bags of special Palm Fertilizer. This is perhaps very silly, as I can easily concoct an excellent recipe myself, but I desire to experiment with the addition of venom of the Hydrophis sea snake, not to be found in my location, and the used worn Tacca flowers imparted special strength by the hair of these school girls.

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MattyB
Dear Tool,

I have received my Leptocheilos zombiafolia that I ordered from you. I regret to inform you that upon trying to pet my beloved new Teddyspike palm I got injured. I've enclosed a picture so that you know how serious this is, and that you should be sending me some money so I don't sue your butt! How do you like that downer, snarky dank!? Make me a cake and call me Susan!

My Dearest Tool,

My deepest apologies my friend. Since receiving my "injury" from your Teddyspike palm, I've noticed a marked improvement in my grip strength. Ultimately, I've made a full recovery and actually found that the juices from the Teddyspike palm has actually turned my hands and forearms into a super strength machine! (see picture of me, MattyB, attached) I'm so sorry for cursing you earlier. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sit on my Teddyspike palm.

post-126-1222271710_thumb.jpg

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Phil

Dearest All,

We are processing all orders and making all deposits. Be patient and consider placing your second order before the first arrives. The airline gives a discount when you ship two orders in a row.

Regarding Kim's willingness to part with his Beanie Baby collection. What kindness he offers. Of course we accept BB's and look forward to EBaying them worldwide.

Infamous MattyB: Be careful where you spike yourself with the Teddyspike Palm. We put it on our arrow tips to plump up our wild prey. One man spiked his dwarfed cousin and now that cousin competes in the high jumps in the Olympics.

And Mate Wal: Our supplies of Syagisclino 44 are now replenished and the formulae can be applied at the rate of one drop per 1000 gallons of water. Stand back. Plants jump up overnight and divide at will. It's not unusual to see them wind up a big Ficus tree.

Always,

Toolital

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DoomsDave

Men:

Turn your small & skinny Phoenix roebelinii into a long and fat Corypha . . . . .

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Jeff Searle

Toolital,

DAMN.....!! And I really thought I knew my palms! Are there classes over there in your beloved country to refresh myself in some palm courses? I need help! :rage:

Jeff

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bubba

Tooley,Remember me! I was there for you in your time of need when you were starting that wonderful garden.I am sure you remember the numerous dispensations directed to your attention when you just had to have that such and such to create those Red,White and Blue Royals that would be such the hit.

Tooley,every dog has his day but you and I both know that it is time to send me that agreed upon percentage check.You have my wiring instructions and we both know the amount owed.As large as it may seem,it is only in the name of human fairness and dignity that I require full and immediate payment.Otherwise,please govern yourself accordingly.Please also remember all is fair in love and war.Your Friend,Bubba

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JEFF IN MODESTO

Doctor Toolital,

Consider this as my order for one of every thing on your price list....

Please go through your supply of palms and select only the largest one of each ( if there are larger palms already packaged for shipment , please open them and trade for a smaller one, givng me the biggest.)

Also, since I am poor, please ship these to me with your " Free shipping with any order " and don't for get the by one get 10 free offer " .

Jeff

Edited by Jeff in Modesto

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avb

Toolital: The National Bank of Lompoc has refused to wire the money for payment. They will, however, provide a cashier's check for minimum of $10,000 USD which I can send Fed Ex this PM overnight. Please send the excess cash with the palms. Thanks, Alan.

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freakypalmguy
Dearst friend Toolital Toowako,

I do not see the rare and famous Nigerian Walking Palm in your list.

If one wanders into your nursery during the night, I would be very interested in obtaining it, as none of my neighbors seem to be able to keep it. However, I know of the obscure hamsting planting techniques and think I would be keep to contain this beautiful palm in my landscape.

Thanking you in advance.

Here is a never before seen photo of this elusive Arecaceae, the Nigerian Walking Palm. Seeds are extremely difficult to obtain but if you look closely in the picture, you can just make out a couple of new inflorescence.

post-1261-1222284923_thumb.jpg

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OldNed

Doctor T²,

Just wanted to drop you a line and show you how well the Cocos X Sabal (or was it Washingtonia?) palms you sent are doing after only 55 years in the ground. You thought they might be slow here in Central Florida but, as you can see, they have really added some size! You might recall that they were only about 6-8 feet tall when you shipped them.

Looks like one or two of the palms are starting to set fruit. If I get viable seed, do you have any idea what I should sell them for on Ebay?...I was thinking about +/- $1000 for 5 seeds...please let me know.

OldNed

Member Number 7

MysteryPalms1.jpg

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MattyB
Dearst friend Toolital Toowako,

I do not see the rare and famous Nigerian Walking Palm in your list.

If one wanders into your nursery during the night, I would be very interested in obtaining it, as none of my neighbors seem to be able to keep it. However, I know of the obscure hamsting planting techniques and think I would be keep to contain this beautiful palm in my landscape.

Thanking you in advance.

Here is a never before seen photo of this elusive Arecaceae, the Nigerian Walking Palm. Seeds are extremely difficult to obtain but if you look closely in the picture, you can just make out a couple of new inflorescence.

post-1261-1222284923_thumb.jpg

:lol::lol::lol: LOL!!!!!!!!

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John in Andalucia

Doctor "Toolittle",

Regarding your latest feat, and my recent order - it was light. You sent me Basselinia sordida that swore at me, a Calamus erectus that quite frankly, wasn't up to much, and a Neonicholsonia sp. "Jack". Are you serious?? My wife was looking forward to the Laccosperma opacum that was to be my birthday present to her. You also omitted my free bottle of Cameroonian "Pixie Dust Palm Enhancer" and some seeds of your recently discovered Dypsis sp. Pushmepullyou. Also, when can we expect your book, "Toolittle Talkin' Palms" to be published?

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DoomsDave

For it. They will love you.

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Randall SD

Dear Mr Toolital, Sir

I believe you may be my last hope. I am looking for the Cannadypisis ambosativa (true form of course). Up until last winter I had several of these growing but they all succumbed to a sudden cold snap. I have looked everywhere but the local supply seems to have completely dried up. These would be for my own personal use and I do carry a doctors recommendation. I find they offer the only sure relief for the sever headaches I've suffered since an unfortunate encounter with a coconut as a small child. If you can't provide the palms themselves perhaps you could send some seeds along with some of your Super Sure-Sprout formula (the one with the 8 hour germination guarantee) and some of the Syagisclino 44 for quick growth. I've also heard that you carry a fall anti-stress root soak that provides even the most tropical palms with full freeze protection for a minimum 6 mouths. If you have this in stock please include along with instructions.

I can send you bags of money or to expedite the shipping process I can provide you with my bank information and saving account number so you can just withdraw whatever funds are needed directly.

Please ship in an unmarked package. :blink:

Seriously

Thanks for all the great Palms

Randall

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paulgila
Dearst friend Toolital Toowako,

I do not see the rare and famous Nigerian Walking Palm in your list.

If one wanders into your nursery during the night, I would be very interested in obtaining it, as none of my neighbors seem to be able to keep it. However, I know of the obscure hamsting planting techniques and think I would be keep to contain this beautiful palm in my landscape.

Thanking you in advance.

Here is a never before seen photo of this elusive Arecaceae, the Nigerian Walking Palm. Seeds are extremely difficult to obtain but if you look closely in the picture, you can just make out a couple of new inflorescence.

post-1261-1222284923_thumb.jpg

:lol::lol::lol: LOL!!!!!!!!

looks like that nigerian walking palm also inhabits the same habitat as our locally-known "bigfoot."

looooooove it!!!! :lol:

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Ken Johnson

So happy for pictures now! Please more.

BWT do you have ptyenyourspermup elagant. I am using the seed as an antioxidant. It makes me fell better at night.

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osideterry

Toolital - The Jubaea x Cyrtostachys cross I bought from you last year is holding up really well. It seems to handle 25F with no problem. Amazing vigor as well considering you shipped it in a tube!

post-662-1222298737_thumb.jpg

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Phil

To All of My Sacred Friends,

First, my apologies to kind Kim. My brother Buta, you must understand, is a bit off balance. While collecting rare Pritchardiopsis seeds in our forests many years ago he stepped on a remnant land mine left behind by our Freedom Fighters. After years of recooperation, he has improved somewhat. But, if you speak to him too directly or loudly, he gets frightened, drops the phone and ducks his head. Not to worry. He guarantees me that your order is being processed.

And, for those of you that wanted pictures. What's better than photos from satisfied customers. Look at that Walking Palm. How great is that! And, the Coconut X Sabal. Better looking than when we shipped them. We have a very large order of these going to Dubai next week. Oh My God! To see our Jubaea X Cyrtostachys so large and beautiful from a plant we shipped in a porcelain tube. Well done, Terry. Thank you for sharing our treasures!

Please understand that, here in Camarama, we have everything. It is indeed the Garden Of Eden. I think it was just the Destiny of the World. Why else would we be blessed with the world's best palms? And yes, Mr. Searle, we are presently arranging special tutorials on palms to be offered on the Web. We are doing this because of the high demand from Norway, Latvia, Mongolia and North Korea. But, all can join us.

So, keep the orders coming. I've hired three extra secretaries just to handle the new business.

Yours always,

Toolital

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Phil

Oh, One More Thing

I wanted to tell you the story about how my good friend, Bombo Bombo from Madagascar, came to visit us about twenty years ago. We shared with him the special seeds of our Sacred Pyramid Palm. He delivered them to the limestone outcrop in the hills of the Analalava district in Madagascar. He planted many seeds and, by now, these should be very large trees. This species is similar to a Corypha. My suspicion is that some day a bush biologist will discover them and be thrilled with what he finds. But, now you know the rest of the story.

Toolital

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John Case
Dearst friend Toolital Toowako,

I do not see the rare and famous Nigerian Walking Palm in your list.

If one wanders into your nursery during the night, I would be very interested in obtaining it, as none of my neighbors seem to be able to keep it. However, I know of the obscure hamsting planting techniques and think I would be keep to contain this beautiful palm in my landscape.

Thanking you in advance.

Here is a never before seen photo of this elusive Arecaceae, the Nigerian Walking Palm. Seeds are extremely difficult to obtain but if you look closely in the picture, you can just make out a couple of new inflorescence.

post-1261-1222284923_thumb.jpg

Ah, the beauty and mobility in one exquisite palm.....

Toolital, please reserve a dozen for me in the hope that all will not go 'walkabout' and I will be able to add this gem to my otherwise sedentary collection. I am as we speak, covering my garden with sharp edged road gravel to hopefully limit the amount of distance that this wonderful palm can travel.

I have forwarded you a check, drawn on the Bank of Outer Mongolia, for any funds necessary to achieve a closure to this transaction. Please provide your bank account number in order that the deposit can be made post-haste.

As always and in brotherhood,

A Friend

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avb

Toolital: Please forgive me as I forgot to ask you to include the lysergicdiethylamide acid fertilizer, the same type I purchased last April in this latest shipment. I would like two 55 gallon drums this time. It has worked miracles on all my palms, bringing out brighter and more intense shades of every imaginable color in crazy combinations like never before. I apologize for my forgetfulness and look forward to the arrival of your fine plants and products. Thanks, Alan.

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paulgila
Toolital - The Jubaea x Cyrtostachys cross I bought from you last year is holding up really well. It seems to handle 25F with no problem. Amazing vigor as well considering you shipped it in a tube!

terry,is it seeding yet? you told me i could have some...

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DoomsDave

So, where is my thalidamide-based limb-enlarger that you promised?

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Phil

Dearest Mr. John Case,

Do not think that sharp, pointed gravel will contain your Nigerian Walking Palm. It will travel for miles in search of just one thing. You see, this species is a dioecious species. The picture above is a male and it seeks a female plant. Perhaps our friend Matt has a picture of the female.

Toolital

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BS Man about Palms

My friend Toolital,

I know you have been very busy and that is good, but I have not heard a response from you regarding my request for the "Super Duper Looper Pooper Scooper Dypsis Decipiens", available in any color and fast growing too. Are you out of stock? After careful consideration, I would like the brown leafed variety, and if thats not available, I would like the yellow leafed one. (actually, 3 in quantity, Please)

I would very much like to have a brown or yellow leafed palm be one of the fastest growing palms I own.

Oh yes, I was reading one of your earlier posts about some seeds that went to an low population area of Madagascar some time ago. I hear some nice young girl named Tahina happened upon them recently. Is it true you gave them away because you finally realised that just would not work as an understory palm?

Wishing you continued success,

William M,

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Phil

Kindest Mr. Sanford,

Thank you for your gracious email. Re the palm now named by the famous Dr. Dransfield, we in Camarama would have preferred the name "Bombo Bombo Palm" or the "Sacred Pyramid Palm of Camarama". But, I fear he didn't know the true origin of the plant. You know, there are many new species throughout the world that have been inappropriately described and credited to another country. Remember, almost all beautiful palms come from Camarama. It is actually much easier for me to list the ones that did NOT come from our homeland than those that did. If a palm species is quite ugly or boring, it's probably not from our country. However, if it has vibrant color, migrates or walks, levetates, grows to mature size in days, attracts beautiful women, branches above the ground, has delicious edible fruit, or commands attention with this group; then rest assured that it is probably from Camarama.

I'm too busy to post photos (hundreds of orders), but perhaps others will show you the domestic results with our species of palms.

Have a delightful day.

Phil

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Randall SD

Palm ID Needed

post-1809-1222361797_thumb.jpg

This wonderful unidentified palm that you included as an extra with the shipment you sent me last year has performed exceptionally well. It has it's first inflorescence and I'm hoping to soon have viable seeds. Can you or any of your patrons tell me what kind of palm this is? Does anyone have any experience propagating these, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

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OldNed

Esteemed Dr. Toolital-you jerk,

My gardeners have just informed me that the so-called "King Palm" seedlings that I received from you in 1983 and subsequently had planted in my Very Famous and Private Tropical Botanic Gardens here in Cocoa Beach have begun to exhibit a most alarming malformation!!

(see attached photos, jerk!).

thypalm3.jpg

thypalm2.jpgthypalm.jpg

In case you didn't notice, why don't you take a gander at the SCOREBOARD...oh, I mean the BRAAAAANCH-ING!..I was thinking of something else.

You will recall that I paid you 6,145,500 Malagasy Francs (then worth nearly $17 US!) for those seedlings.

We here at Very Famous and Private are not amused! We have become the laughing stock of Central Florida (and a little bit of South-Central Florida too).

People are coming in droves (and private cars too) to gape at, LOL and take cell-phone photos of these Horrible Ugly Ducklings! We get daily cruel comments such as "Yo OldNed, you gonna hang swings from those PALM BRANCHES?...Buahahaha!!" and "Yo OldNed..How much did you pay for those crappy lookin' palms?...Hope it wasn't 6,145,500 Malagasy Francs...HAR, HAR, Har, HAR! .....and this from my own teen-age nephew-"Yo Dude, like no wonder it's like Very like Private...this place is all like STUPID man!".

That last one like really hurt.

We DEMAND, you jerk, that our palm purchase price be refunded post-haste, immediatly and pretty darn soon! (if it's not too much trouble I mean).

Love,

OldNed

Owner, President, CEO and Board Chairman

Very Famous and Private Tropical Gardens

Cocoa Beach, Florida

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John Case
Dearest Mr. John Case,

Do not think that sharp, pointed gravel will contain your Nigerian Walking Palm. It will travel for miles in search of just one thing. You see, this species is a dioecious species. The picture above is a male and it seeks a female plant. Perhaps our friend Matt has a picture of the female.

Toolital

Dr. Toolital,

I, too, do a number a research projects all in the interest of improving the lives of everyone everywhere. I have come upon a palm that is also dioecious, but of the female persuasion. It is my hope that the Nigerian Walking Palms that you will so kindly deliver to me will be raptured and in awe of these that I will have for them in the same planting bed. I have tentatively named my new cross 'Sanspantius Britneyspearsiana'. I would provide a photo, but of course, you understand why it may be objectionable to to less refined clients. Hopefully I will be able to limit the trekking of the males for some time.

In your service, as always,

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John Case
Palm ID Needed

post-1809-1222361797_thumb.jpg

This wonderful unidentified palm that you included as an extra with the shipment you sent me last year has performed exceptionally well. It has it's first inflorescence and I'm hoping to soon have viable seeds. Can you or any of your patrons tell me what kind of palm this is? Does anyone have any experience propagating these, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

We see loads of them in my area! This is the common, and getting more so, 'Communicatus wirelessia'. I am surprised that these have not dropped in price or become more available.

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bubba

Tooley,Still waiting but no candy.At a minium,please provide your wire tracking # so that I know payment is on it's way.Failure to provide same will be interpreted as your true intention.In that event,please govern yourself accordingly.PS-a number not less than 10% of the required sum will be donated directly to the Moderators of this Forum as partial compensation for their tireless commitment dealing with multiple fruitloops,of course myself included.This stated although I believe I hold the Forum record for Posts shamelessly ripped from the eager eyes by said Moderators.

I vote the Jubea X Crytostachys #1!

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freakypalmguy
Palm ID Needed

post-1809-1222361797_thumb.jpg

This wonderful unidentified palm that you included as an extra with the shipment you sent me last year has performed exceptionally well. It has it's first inflorescence and I'm hoping to soon have viable seeds. Can you or any of your patrons tell me what kind of palm this is? Does anyone have any experience propagating these, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

We see loads of them in my area! This is the common, and getting more so, 'Communicatus wirelessia'. I am surprised that these have not dropped in price or become more available.

Yes, yes, also know by it's common name, "The Money Palm". Instead of producing seeds, this species sends you a check on a monthly bases when mature. I have one on order. It is the T-mobilensis variety. I look forward to it's fruits.

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osideterry

This came in the seedlings I was sent, and was simply labeled "Chamadorea sp."

post-662-1222369944_thumb.jpg

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DoomsDave

Alarming. Be in bed.

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MattyB
Dear Tool,

I have received my Leptocheilos zombiafolia that I ordered from you. I regret to inform you that upon trying to pet my beloved new Teddyspike palm I got injured. I've enclosed a picture so that you know how serious this is, and that you should be sending me some money so I don't sue your butt! How do you like that downer, snarky dank!? Make me a cake and call me Susan!

My Dearest Tool,

My deepest apologies my friend. Since receiving my "injury" from your Teddyspike palm, I've noticed a marked improvement in my grip strength. Ultimately, I've made a full recovery and actually found that the juices from the Teddyspike palm has actually turned my hands and forearms into a super strength machine! (see picture of me, MattyB, attached) I'm so sorry for cursing you earlier. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sit on my Teddyspike palm.

Dear Tool,

Since sitting upon my Teddyspike palm, I now have the glorious big butt I desired. Thank you thank you thank you, and thank you.

post-126-1222373132_thumb.jpg

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Phil

Dearest Friends,

Once again Matt is right; sort of. Here we call it the Reverse Money Palm. Don't be fooled. It

is not from Camarama, but rather from the Island of Verizons. I'd stay away from it. Randall,

We thought we had culled out all of these barberous palms. I apologize that you received one

with your last order. We will make you right by us.

Now Old Ned, you must understand that palms from our Island are known to branch above the ground.

It's the way things happen here (see note above). Tell your visitors how it is even a better palm because of its

African behavior. They will understand.

And finally, respected MattyB. From the big muscles to the now....well, fullness. It's impressive

how the Teddyspike gets results. We've tried to introduce the Teddyspike into the field of

cosmetic surgery. The AMA hates us. The trick is to get the same spike left to right. If any would

like to invest in our research project with the Teddyspike, please let me know.

Best regards,

Toolital

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